Patience is a Virtue

I've never had patience, never ever ever. I was that crazy kid that looked like someone fed them ecstasy and was screaming their head off  all the time and was a parents worst nightmare of a play date.


patience was never my virtue.


But as I have grown older patience has come to me out of pride. I see girl obsessing and throwing themselves at guys and I think to my self "why doesn't anyone tell these girls they look like fools. " Since I realized that in high school I have always subconsciously played hard to get. I never text first, I never hound a guy, I take what they're saying at face value 100% of the time- and here I am now, with more guys then I can handle and more stories then I can even remember to tell.


This patience subject has a point I promise-
Tim came back the old bastard. After I completely wrote him off too. I sent him one nasty text message that made me feel satisfied, throwing around all the good words, asshole, incompetent, bitch and then just deleted his number. Deleted to the point that I had no recent calls, no voicemails no nothing.  two weeks later don't I get a drunk text on a Wednesday night with one word:


why


why? really?? why- thats what your jump off point is going to be? alrite I can fuck with that. After some sarcastic text messages that aren't even interesting enough to disclose he wanted to hang out- but thank god I was busy for the weekend, even more hard to get.


we ended up hanging out one random week night and just catching up but I with held the sex card. No ones going to ignore me for 3 weeks and think I'm going to jump their bones the second they start talking to me again even if he is a tall cute basketball player and now he is up my ass like a dog in heat- you would think the kid is 14 years old again.


I'm in jersey shore this weekend so everyone pray for me please- as for Tim, guess he'll just have to wait for my drunk text message back.


xx

throw up a J

do you notice that all my blogging is in the months beginning with J's? 

maybe its because I like to 'throw up a good J" once in awhile

my friends from college started that, when we actually wanted to be discrete at a party

someone walked in we didn't like, which was more often then not- or someone was wearing something

absolutely hideous we would throw up a J.

this involves you pointing your index finger straight up and curving your thumb

as seen below to make a huge J.

now this could either be with your right hand so that you enjoy the J

or the left hand so that your friend can enjoy it

you could throw both hands up if you really needed to.

i find humor in all inapropriateness so when a couple of my cousins friends came to

my grandfathers wake dressed like absolute whores, i obviously had to share this J

situation with my other cousins. Now not only is this J passed around through my family

and friends i feel the need to use it in my everyday life as if everyone should know

what it means hwen i 'throw up a j'

so a heads up for all you strangers- if you see a brunette walking around throwin up her thumb

and index finger- you know why, cause its survival of the fittest out there, judge or be judged man. 

when it rains it pours

as if Tim and Nate weren't taking up all my time and efforts...
(not so much tim since i havent even heard from him but we expected that didnt we?)

..my college love is now engaged and I could post a picture of my left hand right now to show you that it is as bare as a newborns bottom but we won't be going to those extremes right now.

"is it a joke?"

"is dan really engaged?"

"he's kidding right? have you talked to him?"

"how are you?"

we're the first of about 100 texts that rolled in from my facebook obsessed friends. the best part about all this is that his  girlfriend, excuse me fiancee, took a picture obviously seconds after the facebook update of being engaged except it was on a mac

and on a mac the camera reverses the photo

so the ring shows on her right hand...

you see the irony here? cause i do. 1- facebook was the first notification of my ex boyfirend of 3 years getting married 2- my friends had the detective skills to realize it was a mac photo- and were not   thrown off by this chick showing off a rock on her right hand. 3- when i texted my ex boyfriend he goes 'sorry'

sorry hes dating a girl dumb enough to show off her engagement ring in a picture that makes it look like it's her right hand? sorry facebook was the way i found out about this? or sorry it wasn't me..

the back story is brief and so is the breakup. we dated for three years and when it came to graduation he wasn't moving to my home and I wasn't moving to his. No huge argument, no blow up, no screaming - just acceptance of the inevitable- long distance relationships do not work, period.

i know some of you are judging me for texting him- like it isn't my place- but i slept with the kid in august and when have i ever given a shit what people think. Also, call me old fashioned but do we not think that maybe you should date someone a year- maybe even live with them  they could have one of those freakish addicting habits like eating furniture and you would never know- before you propose?

my mom puts it best "forever is a long time" but with divorce rate at a solid 50% why not just throw  that decision up to fate, Dan was never a guy for thinking something through- he wanted it so he did it.  I do still consider him a friend so I do hope he's happy and I do hope it works out  shit that's alot of I do's for someone whose not engaged. 

I would say I do hope they have a happy and healthy family as well but good ol' Dan got rocked in the balls playing lacrosse in college so he is sterile as a needle, still makes me giggle a little..

xx

7 days + 8 weeks = 9 months?

Alright so I teased everyone with the fact that I am down to one guy. The girl who is bored in 2 seconds is down to one guy again. I ran them all away I guess and now i feel that you are all deserving of my explanation for some reason...

7 days ago I told Tim about a situation that happened 8 weeks ago that avoided a problem 9 months from then. Now I'm not too good at math so i have sympathy for all you that are missing the point here... 2 months ago I was pregnant. 

I was the worst kind of pregnant too...pregnant and actively sleeping with two guys. I took legitimately 4 different kinds of test but funny thing about that, when you're pregnant your pregnant. I opted to tell my 'boyfriend' Nate since he is the caring/ comforting one and he did everything perfect by the book. Supported me through my craziness and when i needed space he gave it to me. I agreed on the "procedure".

Procedure? really? did I just truly try to play off abortion as a 'procedure'? It's a mind fuck really in all reality and god bless the women who work at planned parenthood because I do not know how they deal with all the stress of everyone walking into that place. It happened and i felt like I was in a procession line and it was cold and I felt horrible after. Everything you would and could expect, it was extremely textbook. 

Nate was perfect after as well- Gave me my space and time and didn't push to see me. The sad part was as soon as i found out i was really really pregnant and it want going away- I had a rush of urgency that I did not want to be attached to Nate for the rest of my life. They always say when you flip a coin to make a decision- the coin toss never truly makes the decision. The decision is made right before the coin falls because you know right then and there what decision you want to win- and Nate did not win.

This is not to say that Tim won either, but at that moment Nate was on the chopping block. If this abortion didn't push him away nothing could. And Tim, well Tim is the youngest of 6 kids. His two oldest brothers- each have a child out of wedlock. Now if I told Tim about this pregnancy first i guarantee id be sitting here writing this story 4 months pregnant and so maybe he has every right to be pissed at me.

I waited to tell him until I felt comfortable with it since Tim isn't the comforting type and it kind've came out by accident after he asked why I was on birth control. It was a 2 minute conversation and I can say with about 99% certainty it was my last conversation with him. He's not one of those people to beat around the bush and basically handed my ass to me once he found out. The words "respect", "communication", "future" all got thrown around but in the end it came down to the good ol' "fuck you" that we all know and love

so here I am, down to one great caring Nate- who cant even win with a double sided coin. Do i end everything and start fresh?  find a new guy i wont cheat on? or stay with Nate til now until I find someone new so i dont have to deal with being alone..



then again just because your alone doesn't mean your lonely

xx

Ron Bomb

here i go again on my ownnn
wonderin down the only road ive ever known...

ok so i havent been here in awhile but i had a random epiphany (and by random i mean i sat next to this guy ron on a plane to vegas, told him my whole recent debacle of a life, and he seemed interested so i'm back)

i know people dont like long blogs so we'll keep it short and sweet. I'm down to one guy and don't ask how i keep this masterful circus going because i honestly have no clue and have had so many close calls i dont even know what to do with them (more posts about that later)


. my birthday came and went and without any suprise i was dissapointed by guys gifts. Jewlery...of all things i told him not to get me, he got me jewlery. Even though he tried really hard not to get me a standard piece of jewelry...


how do i know this you ask?


 When i looked it up it was under the men's section of david yurman, yea the men's section- but jewlery is still jewlery and i lose it, break it, or dont like it 90% of the time. 

vegas was bitchin' didnt sleep with anyone, just had some fun, and managed to crash a gay Australian bachelor party. I promise to be more up to date now if not just for me and my life- for good ol' ron bomb. 


xx

cheater cheater pants on....?

so...i cheated- that really lasted long. but in theory i guess we would have to define cheating too right? is it emotional or physical?  I think you can do either or without being a cheater but once both get into play you not only have a problem but a label as well. 

i didnt even get to cheat with someone new and exciting- its an oldie but goodie which i guess just makes my life more cyclical then i thought possible. maybe im addicted to my ex's? and cheating? I cant even think of the last time i hooked up with a new guy, the old ones just consume the majority of my time. If i meet a new guy at a bar and then an old one comes in, why wouldnt i go for the old one? i already know its a shoe in right? i guess its just an insecurity thing.

so are we going to cheat and tell? hell no, i'm not ready to break my poor boys heart- plus its not like i slept with the guy, just a few innocent makeout sessions. when we get to sex then i guess we should probably have a sit down conversation with the boyfriend ( who i use to cheat WITH on one of my older boyfriends- but that's neither here nor there). Once a cheater always a cheater? pretty much might just be the story of my life. I always want what i cant have, probably just addicted to the chase. 

I was watching yes to the dress the other day running and randy, the extremely logical and talenteddress associate of Kleinfelds, was giving advice to one of the brides who kept "falling in love" with different dresses. He goes to her " Once you find a man you love you stop looking- otherwise you would just find another one and fall in love with him too and another one and another one." Obviously he was referencing a dress and not her actual love life but i never seem content in what i do have, which is always a perfect boyfriend, and just keep moving on. At least it provides constant entertainment. I know i shouldn't have a boyfriend if i act and feel this way but really ignorance is bliss and since no one is reading this blog anyway, its just between me and you - right bill gates?


xx

new years resolution

new years resolution: write more! surprise surprise- i guess death didn't keep me that motivated, so maybe 2011 will. I decided not to join a gym since they're too crowded anyway so on to the next as my man jay-z would say.

holidays came and went but the boyfriend is still here. who knew monogamy would suite me so well? maybe it was the convenience of the holidays- cause we all know no one wants to be alone for the holidays, or maybe second time really is a charm. 

Dating an ex, never a good idea from what I'm told- the whole " its an ex for a reason" but really how can you resist, there's no fake or awkward conversations and you know all their flaws right off the bat- no surprises, no weird birthmarks to find, and really in theory, you should know the problems before hand so you can avoid them right off the bat. Theory is bullshit though. It goes from trying to avoid those problems to "you knew this about me before you started it". and ex sex just never works. You get all the good things from the relationship without the bad emotional stuff and then the thoughts just start swarming

"we'll we're older now", "we're more mature", "i've never met anyone that compared to you"- and then you get drunk one night and shit hits the fan and it all comes out...

"...and then you broke up with me 3 weeks before prom and didn't speak to me the whole summer before senior year, how could you be so inconsiderate."

I'd really like you all to please note how the emotions and scars of a broken hearted 17 yr old girl stays with you for the rest of your life- these are things that cannot be covered up. The best answer to those questions are "i dont know im young" which infuriates the 17 yr old inside of you. - i've been holding onto this issue for 5 years and you still dont know- at least make something up. 

long story short we're working through "the prom issue of '05" 


xx