Alright so I teased everyone with the fact that I am down to one guy. The girl who is bored in 2 seconds is down to one guy again. I ran them all away I guess and now i feel that you are all deserving of my explanation for some reason...
7 days ago I told Tim about a situation that happened 8 weeks ago that avoided a problem 9 months from then. Now I'm not too good at math so i have sympathy for all you that are missing the point here... 2 months ago I was pregnant.
I was the worst kind of pregnant too...pregnant and actively sleeping with two guys. I took legitimately 4 different kinds of test but funny thing about that, when you're pregnant your pregnant. I opted to tell my 'boyfriend' Nate since he is the caring/ comforting one and he did everything perfect by the book. Supported me through my craziness and when i needed space he gave it to me. I agreed on the "procedure".
Procedure? really? did I just truly try to play off abortion as a 'procedure'? It's a mind fuck really in all reality and god bless the women who work at planned parenthood because I do not know how they deal with all the stress of everyone walking into that place. It happened and i felt like I was in a procession line and it was cold and I felt horrible after. Everything you would and could expect, it was extremely textbook.
Nate was perfect after as well- Gave me my space and time and didn't push to see me. The sad part was as soon as i found out i was really really pregnant and it want going away- I had a rush of urgency that I did not want to be attached to Nate for the rest of my life. They always say when you flip a coin to make a decision- the coin toss never truly makes the decision. The decision is made right before the coin falls because you know right then and there what decision you want to win- and Nate did not win.
This is not to say that Tim won either, but at that moment Nate was on the chopping block. If this abortion didn't push him away nothing could. And Tim, well Tim is the youngest of 6 kids. His two oldest brothers- each have a child out of wedlock. Now if I told Tim about this pregnancy first i guarantee id be sitting here writing this story 4 months pregnant and so maybe he has every right to be pissed at me.
I waited to tell him until I felt comfortable with it since Tim isn't the comforting type and it kind've came out by accident after he asked why I was on birth control. It was a 2 minute conversation and I can say with about 99% certainty it was my last conversation with him. He's not one of those people to beat around the bush and basically handed my ass to me once he found out. The words "respect", "communication", "future" all got thrown around but in the end it came down to the good ol' "fuck you" that we all know and love
so here I am, down to one great caring Nate- who cant even win with a double sided coin. Do i end everything and start fresh? find a new guy i wont cheat on? or stay with Nate til now until I find someone new so i dont have to deal with being alone..
then again just because your alone doesn't mean your lonely
xx
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