so...i cheated- that really lasted long. but in theory i guess we would have to define cheating too right? is it emotional or physical? I think you can do either or without being a cheater but once both get into play you not only have a problem but a label as well.
i didnt even get to cheat with someone new and exciting- its an oldie but goodie which i guess just makes my life more cyclical then i thought possible. maybe im addicted to my ex's? and cheating? I cant even think of the last time i hooked up with a new guy, the old ones just consume the majority of my time. If i meet a new guy at a bar and then an old one comes in, why wouldnt i go for the old one? i already know its a shoe in right? i guess its just an insecurity thing.
so are we going to cheat and tell? hell no, i'm not ready to break my poor boys heart- plus its not like i slept with the guy, just a few innocent makeout sessions. when we get to sex then i guess we should probably have a sit down conversation with the boyfriend ( who i use to cheat WITH on one of my older boyfriends- but that's neither here nor there). Once a cheater always a cheater? pretty much might just be the story of my life. I always want what i cant have, probably just addicted to the chase.
I was watching yes to the dress the other day running and randy, the extremely logical and talenteddress associate of Kleinfelds, was giving advice to one of the brides who kept "falling in love" with different dresses. He goes to her " Once you find a man you love you stop looking- otherwise you would just find another one and fall in love with him too and another one and another one." Obviously he was referencing a dress and not her actual love life but i never seem content in what i do have, which is always a perfect boyfriend, and just keep moving on. At least it provides constant entertainment. I know i shouldn't have a boyfriend if i act and feel this way but really ignorance is bliss and since no one is reading this blog anyway, its just between me and you - right bill gates?
xx
new years resolution: write more! surprise surprise- i guess death didn't keep me that motivated, so maybe 2011 will. I decided not to join a gym since they're too crowded anyway so on to the next as my man jay-z would say.
holidays came and went but the boyfriend is still here. who knew monogamy would suite me so well? maybe it was the convenience of the holidays- cause we all know no one wants to be alone for the holidays, or maybe second time really is a charm.
Dating an ex, never a good idea from what I'm told- the whole " its an ex for a reason" but really how can you resist, there's no fake or awkward conversations and you know all their flaws right off the bat- no surprises, no weird birthmarks to find, and really in theory, you should know the problems before hand so you can avoid them right off the bat. Theory is bullshit though. It goes from trying to avoid those problems to "you knew this about me before you started it". and ex sex just never works. You get all the good things from the relationship without the bad emotional stuff and then the thoughts just start swarming
"we'll we're older now", "we're more mature", "i've never met anyone that compared to you"- and then you get drunk one night and shit hits the fan and it all comes out...
"...and then you broke up with me 3 weeks before prom and didn't speak to me the whole summer before senior year, how could you be so inconsiderate."
I'd really like you all to please note how the emotions and scars of a broken hearted 17 yr old girl stays with you for the rest of your life- these are things that cannot be covered up. The best answer to those questions are "i dont know im young" which infuriates the 17 yr old inside of you. - i've been holding onto this issue for 5 years and you still dont know- at least make something up.
long story short we're working through "the prom issue of '05"
xx
